Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
