So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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