i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I smell like Dick and happiness
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