The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
