Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Randomize
