I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
