even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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