Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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