How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
