apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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