gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
