Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
