There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
