I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
