it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
