I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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