the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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