don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
