I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
