It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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