You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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