i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
