this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
