You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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