I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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