We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
