Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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