i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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