I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
