i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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