You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
