I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
