So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
