So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
