I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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