i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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