I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
