I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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