she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
