News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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