apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
