I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I had to cum in my sink.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
