Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
