I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
