those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
