My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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