Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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