Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm determined to sit on that face.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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