Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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