I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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