from now on my penis is your penis
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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