I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
