Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have feelings that need drinking.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
