nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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