I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We smell like vodka and hangover
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