i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
