using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
