i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
