We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
