i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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