Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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