just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
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The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
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the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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