this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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