Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
