dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
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This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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