While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
