I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
