i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
