then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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