at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
