wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I intend to get homeless drunk
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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